Hemlock Grove

Let me start by saying, I love Netflix! Not having to wait 3 to 6 months to watch an entire season; seriously, what could be better than that? I would also like to welcome it to the horror family.

Hemlock Grove is a brand new and horror adjacent. I say adjacent because it's not going to give you any scares, but vampires, werewolves and strange creatures are definitely on the menu.

The ingredients are, as always, a quite small little town, a high school, someone rich, someone poor, and the girl.

I haven't read the book it was based on so I cannot really say how good an adaptation it was, but what I can say is it was not half bad. The relationship between a werewolf, new in town, and an upir (code for vampire) becomes complex right when a series of bizarre killings starts. All eyes fall on the newcomer gypsy since he already admitted to being a werewolf to one of his schoolmates.

Who is killing?

Will the upir realise what it is?

Who is the mysterious mother?

What exactly is Shelley?

Who will get the girl?

What is uroboros anyway?

...and other questions will be answered, or not, in 13 nicely filmed episodes.

Let me just warn all of you it becomes a little tiresome before it reaches it's peak and I wasn't exactly a fan of the finale.

Top 5 Best Horror Series

This season has come to an end and with it all my hopes of entertainment for the hateful summer to come (as far as TV is concerned of course). So finding myself in dire need of a distraction and in an attempt to prove to our readers that we shall never silence, I venture two sets of top fives with the best and, my personal favorite, the worst horror related TV series of the year!

So I hereby give to you my best...

 Number 5

BEING HUMAN

In lack of a fifth series actually worth giving it the time of day or, in this case, night I can only give you, since I am bound by the number, one that was merely watchable. I know that I haven't even mentioned it all this time, a fact which by itself speaks volumes, but it being so indifferent actually got it a spot in the blog!

The tale of yet another tortured dark soul straggling with the beast within along with a werewolf and a ghost setting up house pretending to be human. I must say I am more partial to the original British version since the cast in the American one fades in comparison.

Number 4

GRIMM

Not a great start but good enough to catch my eye, and a much more interesting ending to land it in number four. Wolves, trolls, ogres, witches with a german twist and a secret society or Wesen elite if you like, pulling the strings and threatening war on humans. Did you really think that Grimms were the brothers who wrote all those fairy tales you grew up listening to?

Number 3

SUPERNATURAL

Call me sentimental but there is something about those Winchester boys that no matter how lame the script is it always saves the day! I pretty much avoided talking about this season in the hopes of a comeback by the end of it. False hopes as it turned out, but, still, those boys have a great sense of humor...

Number 2

THE RIVER

If you told me a few months ago, right about when it aired, that it would be one of my favorites I would have laughed in your face. As it seems I should not form opinions based on only one or two episodes - even though I still believe those first ones do set the mood for what is to follow - but I should really start giving second or even third chances. It started pretty weak but by the last few episodes I found myself hooked and wanting for more.

Number 1

AMERICAN HORROR STORY

I am at a loss for words. I can't find anything else to say than you must watch!!

Death Valley and the horrors of horror

There are many side effects to being deprived of actual human contact as well as many days of constant fever. One of those side efects is hating everything new you see or read.

So, after careful consideration I've decided not to post anything I' m not absolutely sure about. (And believe me I've seen a lot these past few days).

I've seen films that deserve a closer look -given my state of mind at the time- I've seen new series I didn't really like that much, but said to myself don't be too quick to judge, give it another episode or two. I've started reading books I wanted to close shut after 20 or 30 pages, but put them away till everything went back to normal again. . .

There is though, one single thing that I hated so much and with every painful breath I took that I had no choice but to write and warn people about.

Welcome to "Death Valley", a seemingly not so bad idea but given in such a poor, stupid, tasteless, non creative way, that it actually gives a bad name to the people responsible for such an insult to fans of horror everywhere.

I don't know where to begin, so I will talk about what awful thing comes first, second and so on to mind.

Let's see, dialogues; who wrote them? I really would like to meet the people MTV has in its payroll.

Characters; really? Cops looking for doughnuts in the middle of a zombie chase, or looking at porn during an attack? Is that supposed to be funny?

Actors, well I'd rather be silent on that one...

Well, I should have known that it would be a disaster the minute I realised MTV had its claws into it, nevertheless I gave it a shot (serves me right not to trust my instincts!).

Anyway, a word of caution to all of you out there, time is too precious to be wasting it but if for some reason you find yourself wanting to watch it, by all means watch away, just remember you had been warned!!!

PS: Any different opinions would be more than welcome.

Classics for a New Year

Happily all the X-mas joy is finally gone. Sadly though, the end of the previous year called for the ending of the only thing I actually liked watching. So after the last Christmas episode of the season of my newly favorite American Horror Story I found myself looking for solace.

Nothing could comfort me, no books, no games, nothing. There was nothing left to do but turn to the classics, and so I did!

I brushed up on my black and whites starting with my all time favorite Nosferatu!

Excessive make-up, lack of voices and the ever haunting face of Max Schreck in the first attempt of telling a story so unquestionably linked to the horror genre.

I kept on in the same pace with films like The Student of Prague and others... and somehow I ended up with Rosemary' s Baby, remembering how life imitates art..

Time went by and the new year came. Hopefully it will be a creative one book - film - series - gamewise.

How did you fair over the holidays?

They' re back!

How long has it been since you saw a good vampire movie? It's been ages for me! Nothing really seemed to quench my thirst for those adorable bloodthirsty beasts. Besides, what has always been a disappointment was the way vampires had been portrayed those past few years.

Why are they always presented with human emotions?

Why is there always an inner struggle to remain as human as possible?

Well, I'm happy to say that I have finally seen a film that treats vampires as it should. Beastly, primitive, relentless! Creatures with only survival in their mind, no love, no fear looking at humans like they ought to ... like dinner!

Based on a series of Korean comics, the Priest finally sets the record straight - they're fast, they're ugly, they're hungry and most of all inhuman. And, yes, they are indeed the vampires.


Far into the future humans are restricted to cities surounded by gigantic walls. The church is the absolute authority. After thousands of years of war between vampires and humans our species has finally eliminated the threat ... or so we thought. The ulimate weapon, humans with extrordinary powers recruited by the church as children and bred for the sole purpose of distraction. The order of the priests, as it is called, is finally dismantled once all vampires were gone, but is it really so?

I know that most of the film critics do not recommend it - but what do they know?

A Supernatural Comeback

Season 6 of the series and the drama goes on!

As anticipated Sam is back, or is he? Well something is back!

Eight episodes in the series and god is nowhere to be found. Rebellious angels roam the earth having given in to temptation and using every divine weapon imaginable. Demons are loose with no shepherd as well. Heaven and hell in turmoil and human kind stuck in the middle being collateral damage.

I'm liking the idea of angels with human pettiness acting like abandoned children trying to get the attention of the absent father, playing with their “toys” without caring about the consequences.

What I'm not liking is the resurrection of yet another member of the Winchester family! How many are there any way?

Just stop bringing people back from the dead!

It's the start of a new Vampire Season

I was dreadfully awaiting for this season's episodes of "The Vampire Diaries". And I must confess that it took me this long to write a whole new review because I physically couldn't watch any of them until recently. The memory of last season was still so painful that it only became worse when I saw that the series was scheduled for a second one!

But still, I built up my courage and sat to watch seven episodes in a row...

I was hoping for a new twist of things or maybe something different to make me change my mind and begin to see it in a different eye. In a nutshell I was hoping for a miracle!

No miracle here...

Same old, same old. After the first episode I started watching the rest in fast forward, again! Nothing to sparkle any kind of interest. Nothing new or unexpected. Nothing to persuade me that this is anything else but a poor attempt to transfer a (not so good if I may say) film on TV and gain from its success (which I do not really understand!).

I will, against my better judgment, keep on watching the series. I will keep on putting myself through this. Not because I expect anything to change or because I have time to waste, but because I would love nothing more than to have the chance to write more pieces like this one in the future!

Thirst - a sadly dissapointing review

A film by Chan-wook Park, the writer-director of Oldboy, sporting a vampiric priest and erotic themes couldn't possibly go wrong, could it? Well, to my great surprise and even greater disappointment, it apparently could. And quite spectacularly did, for Thirst is a sub-par horror movie, that tries a little too hard to appear as some sort of deep and meaningful piece of filmic art, which frankly it is not.

Then again, as certain people tend to mistake a slow pace for true art, we can rest assured that these lost souls enjoyed the movie despite its convoluted and banal plot. Said plot is not only unspectacular and quite contrived, but also sports one of those oh-so-fashionable modern, touchy, emo vampires. Being a horror film of course we could overlook such genre cliches, but Thirst takes itself far too seriously to revel in the banality. There is no self-mockery to be found here. Thirst tries to be deep, thoughtful, sensual and all it manages is feel overdrawn.

After watching the thing I was sure it had lasted for more than two hundred minutes, which it clearly hadn't.

Seems I am easily bored by just another well mannered vampire, with a strong Christian faith no less, that effortlessly manages to overcome its new nature in stark contrast to its more, well, vampiric girlfriend. And the fact that the protagonist was sort of an ur-vampire created by a failed medical experiment didn't help at all and all the great acting and brilliant cinematography went to waste. For shame.

Bela Lugosi's Dead

I have seen, and then seen again, more than a few films promising to capture the lure and fascination of our beloved nocturnal creatures. Needless to say, I was mostly and unsurprisingly untouched by all those weak attempts to restore the awe once lost.

As a matter of fact the last vampire movie I enjoyed was Coppola's Dracula and that was a looong time ago.

There is some kind of innocence in those black and white movies or even the early colored ones that made the difference. The commanding presence of the tall and lean and ever so intriguing figure of a vampire, with only blood and survival in his mind. The cape, the make-up, the costumes, the music, the era itself, which made those films dark, romantic and me reminiscent.

I miss the incomparable cemetery scenes, caskets opening, creaking, damsels screaming for their lives.

The idea of a monster hiding under my bed or even in my closet waiting, lurking.

And as the song goes....

White on white translucent black capes
Back on the rack
Bela Lugosi's dead
The bats have left the bell tower
The victims have been bled
Red velvet lines the black box
Bela Lugosi's dead
Undead undead undead
The virginal brides file past his tomb
Strewn with time's dead flowers
Bereft in deathly bloom
Alone in a darkened room
The count
Bela Lugosi’s dead
Undead undead undead

To Nick...

Just Don't!

Well there are friends to listen to and there are others... not so much. Alas, I found myself listening to the wrong ones! Their advice? “Watch the Vampire Diaries!”. Little did I know I would regret the moment I decided to.

What do I have to say about it? Well, I have new found respect for True Blood!

Yes, yes, I know I was the one ripping it to pieces a few weeks ago, but, partly due to its rather surprising bouncing back to normal this season, and partly due to knowing what else is out there, yes, I do have new found respect!

What can one say about the tragedy called Vampire Diaries? A lot, trust me!

Where do I start? Let's see, plot non-existent. Beverly Hills meets Twilight and believe me they went to a lot of trouble to find the twin brother o Robert Pattison (as if we were ever in need of another one!).

Lame high school dialogues, teenagers in heat and the same old drama of a “good natured” vampire struggling to connect to his human side.

My personal struggle? To find anything remotely interesting about this.

A love triangle is the main feature of the first (and hopefully last) season. People looking like vampires, vampires walking around in sunlight (where have I seen that before...?), witches helping vampires and then hating them, and I don't know what else, makes for a very painful pastime.

What was worse than watching the first episode, was the idea that I had to watch the rest in order to have a rounded opinion. And I did (in fast forward mostly). I actually went through it and I'm not proud.

The things I do for you all!

FOLLOWING THE GOOD OLD RECIPE?

Fangs, meanads, shape shifters, mortals, superhuman powers, werewolves...

ingredients in a TV soup trying to introduce a world of love, hate and betrayal.

Does it really work though?

After two mediocre seasons, True Blood continues following the same old recipe, taking advantage of all the cursed beings that the human mind has ever created.

Werewolves are the main feature in this season's premiere in hopes of renewing interest in a series meant for 15-year old misfit girls.

Regardless of the series's success in the U.S there are those whose voices cannot be silenced. Those who actually believe that stuffing lore of dark creatures in a simple script does not guarantee an outcome worthy of their appeal...

Quoth the Raven